Hey-Dads

Exciting news

2010-04-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

Hey Dads,
I have exciting news, we have moved! Hey Dad has become more then simply a blog, but a website with the goal of helping you become better dads. You can now find the blog, at the following address.
www.hey-dad.com
I can's wait to see you all there.
A Fellow Father

Fatherly support of Breastfeeding; Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers!

2010-03-15T06:30:00.000-07:00

Hey Dads,
I know that breastfeeding initially seems like a strange topic for a fathers’ blog, however I think that it is an important one to cover, not only for new dads, but for all of us who are fathers and even grandfathers. As breastfeeding becomes more popular in our culture, information about it, and what we as fathers can do to support our wives is needed. One of the most important things to know is that this is a normal function of a woman’s body and is nothing to be ashamed of. By supporting and encouraging breastfeeding we are not only helping our children grow and thrive, but we are also changing our culture to be more accepting of the natural and normal way children should be fed.
An essential component of a successful breastfeeding relationship is a father’s support. I help my wife in many ways while she is nursing and consequently she has more time to focus on building the nursing relationship and bond with our children. Sometimes this means taking care of making dinner or playing with Ian while she nurses Noah. Sometimes it means bringing her a large glass of water. These small acts of love and support mean a great deal to her. However I think one of the greatest means of support that I have given her is sharing her joy in watching our children grow and become strong. There have been days that she felt overwhelmed by the breastfeeding needs of our children. My support is critical in those moments, enabling her to focus on our child’s needs and to give him the time and nurturing that he needs in that moment, and let everything else go. Sure, it means that the house isn’t as clean as it might have been, or dinner’s a little late but it’s worth it. Watching the bond grow between my children and their mother has been amazing. I know that it is a bond that I can’t be part of and in truth I would not want to be part of it. Nursing is a bond meant for mothers and their children. Watching my children nurse, I see the joy that it brings to them, as well as the joy that it brings to my wife, and I share in that joy. I know that my children are receiving the best possible start in life nutritionally and also that their high emotional need for connection is simultaneously being met. I’ve heard it said that babies should be taught to take a bottle so that Dad can have bonding time with his baby; I strongly disagree. My relationship with my sons is not diminished by their breastfeeding relationship with their mother; it is enhanced by it.

A Fellow Father

Family Bed

2010-03-12T05:17:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
In my last post I mentioned attachment parenting, I believe that a small amount explanation is required. Attachment parenting is a method by which children are taught boundaries through empathy and understanding, not harsh punishment. While I have heard it said that attachment parenting is easy and a “soft” kind of parenting, nothing could be farther from the truth. There are many aspects that make this style of parenting very different, mainly because of the amount of self control required, and I think if done correctly it can much more rewarding. One aspect of attachment parenting that I enjoy greatly is family bed.
Family bed is exactly what it sounds like, the whole family, parents and children sleeping together in one bed. I have found that sleeping in bed with my children and wife is one of the most precious parts of my day. For example, last night when we went to bed, I sleep on the far right lying down, and wife sleeps on the far left and the two kids sleep in the middle. Ian was sleeping next to me, Noah next to my wife, Ian had his hand reached over and laid very gently on top of his brothers head, Noah had reached up and had grabbed hold of Ian sleeve with his hand. It was something new to see both boys reassuring themselves in their sleep that the other was there.
For me however family bed has become even more important. I am currently working two jobs, and because of this I don’t get to spend the kind of time with my boys that I would like too. Knowing that when I go to bed that I will be able to spend the whole night holding my children is very special. It makes being away from them just a little more bearable. In many ways it is one of the best parts of my day. Really knowing that for a least a few hours, I am going to be near my children makes family bed one of the best parts of my day.

A Fellow Father.

The Manly Art of Fatherhood continued

2010-03-10T05:44:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
I would like to make it clear that when I speak fatherhood being a manly art, I am not talking about male dominance. I firmly believe that raising children is a team effort that requires a father and a mother of which neither is more important then the other. This is part of what makes attachment parenting is all about, learning not only to understand my children, but also my spouse and myself as well. However this is only part of what my understanding about the manly art of fatherhood is all about.
In thinking about what to say on this subject I have found that I have had a hard time defining exactly what it means to be a man in our world today, simply because there are too many definitions. What finally brought some clarity to my thinking was an article written by a woman whose family had created a right of passage for girls in their family; it effectively let girls become women, and recognized them as such in a safe and loving fashion. The article made me realize that over the centuries people have gotten away from celebrating the change from child to adult. Instead the journey from child to adult has become a long process with no definable beginning or end, one day boys are supposed to wake up and be adult men, and don’t have a clue what that means, except the Hollywood version which is not true to life.
As a man and a new father I am learning more about myself and my children every single day. This is why I have been working to learn gentle discipline, in order to understand my children and myself. This will not be the last post on this subject, but I will leave this one final thought. My father-in-law gave me a quote from Ephesians in the Bible that has given me a great deal to think about.
“Wives submit to your husbands, and husbands love your wives the way Christ loved the church.” Then he went on to explain the meanings of this passage, Christ gave his life for the church. We as husbands and fathers are too love our families the same way, willing to give our lives for our families; this is the highest form of love that we can show them. Is this not a true definition of what it means to be a father?

A Fellow Father

The Manly Art of Fatherhood

2010-03-08T05:19:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
I have been reflecting lately on what it means to be a dad, all too often I am confronted with the image that are portrayed by Hollywood and the television, I find that I am very disturbed by the fact that men and fathers are all too often portrayed as have just abandoned dragging their knuckles on the ground. Barely able to take care of them selves let along a child, with this kind of constant pressure it is no wonder that dads in our country are seen as kind of a joke. The idea that there is a manly art to being a father has been very effectively driven out of our society.
In my own experience, I have found that becoming a father actually helped define me as a man. There have been times, that I would be interacting with other men my own age and younger, and feel more like their junior, simply because I did not have the same life experience’s as they did, and because I was an outsider I didn’t every really feel like a man. Then I became a father, and wow did my outlook on the world change. Suddenly I felt as though I was a man, I had contributed something to the world, not just ideas, but two new members of the human race. Two boys who will grow and perhaps lead this great nation when they become men, what a responsibility, I suddenly realized that teaching them the ways of the world was only part of what it meant to be a father. If these two were really going to grow and learn to be men, I was going to have to be the model of the man I hope they will be.
In this one realization I suddenly understand that being a father is not just about teaching children the skills and knowledge that they will need for a life time, it is having the courage to be a man in today’s world. One of the ways that I have found to do that, and I challenge others to do so as well, is learn and take on the challenge of attachment parenting. It is not easy, but I am continuing daily to find out what it means to be a man, through the raising of my sons.

A Fellow Father

A Father's Education

2010-03-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

3/5/10
Hey Dads,
In many ways being a father is just one big learning experience. We never stop learning, about our kids, about ourselves, about how to be a better father. What I have found most challenging as a father so far is letting go of all the worries and day-to-day stuff and just sitting down and having fun with Ian. I truly do enjoy playing with him, his imagination is amazing, and sometimes I think even better then mine was when I was a child. He also loves to play his “guitar”, it’s an ukulele, while I play my guitar. It usually turns into us playing each others, but it is a lot of fun. Again though this is something that I should be doing every single day and I don’t, because there are so many other things in my life that require my attention.
At least that is what I tell myself, in order to justify not spending time with him. However over the last month I have been in the unique position of being around a little bit more and seeing just how much I was missing with my constant worry, and in all truth, mentally hiding from him. He is an amazing boy, who has a personality that I never fully realized or acknowledged. He is smart and knows when I am frustrated, or just not having a good day, and he will seek me out and ask me if I am feeling a certain way. This new understanding of my child, as well as what I was keeping myself from seeing in him, has been a huge learning experience, one that has changed my view on the role of provider. I am a father, and in my mind there is not greater gift or treasure. I know that I am going to spend the rest of my life learning how to be a father, but I have learned it is the one aspect of my life that I am going to do to the best of my ability.

A Fellow Father

Imagination

2010-02-23T05:58:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
Helping a child to grow and learn can sometimes be a real challenge. I think that sometimes I have to forget who I am for a while and simply remember what it was like to be a child myself to fully understand the amazing joy that come out of a child’s imagination.
Ian has been watching a little bit of the Olympics every night before bed; his favorite sport so far has been the speed skating. Since the first time he saw Apollo Ohno skate he has been pretending to speed skate around the house, of course he wants someone to ‘skate’ with him. I can honestly tell you that in a very short amount of time the other night he had tired out parents, his aunt, and his grandma, and still had energy to keep going with all of us watching.
As someone who grew up using his imagination to create amazing fantasy worlds to play in, I understand the importance of letting him use his imagination. What I am struggling with is how exactly to let him do that, and still teach him the important things that he is going to need in life. There I go again trying to grow him up faster then he needs to. He’s only two and half! I have to remember to just let him be a child, because with in his playing is exactly what he needs to learn about the world around him.

A Fellow Father

Big Moments

2010-02-19T06:51:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
I would like to apologies to my reader, for not having given the names of my beautiful children sooner, my two and a half year old is named Ian, and my two and a half month old is named Noah. They are amazing boys, and I truly am very blessed to be the father to these two amazing boys.
Speaking of these boys today was a very big day for little Noah, he rolled over for the first time today. He was having some tummy time this morning and was getting frustrated, he doesn’t really like tummy time, so he pushed and pushed until her rolled over. This was a very special event for me because I missed Ian’s first time rolling over, and he didn’t repeat it for nearly a month. So seeing Noah’s first time was special for me. The idea that this was the first step to his becoming model is kind of amazing, and yet I am not nearly as scared of that happening with Noah as I was with Ian. I think it has something to do with being a little more experienced as a dad. It is moments like these that really make me appreciate being a dad.

A Fellow Father

I dedicate this post to my beloved Wife

2010-02-15T08:28:00.001-08:00

Hey Dads,
I think that sometimes I take being a dad to seriously, in the recent weeks I have learned some very valuable lessons about that, but if I am going to tell this story, I have to back up a little. Three weeks ago it became apparent that I did not really have a future with the company I had been working for and they made it clear that they were not sure I could be molded in to kind of person they wanted, so I left. This has been hard on my family because I am the sole provider, and with my income gone we are facing hard times. During all of this I have worked very hard to keep in close contact with my children in order to be emotionally there for them as they see their parents very stressed, but like I said at the beginning of this post, I have been taking my job as dad too seriously. I have been so concerned with making sure that my children had have enough emotional support that I have been neglecting my wife, and consequently not been giving her the reassurance that a husband in this situation needs to be providing.
It is interesting that at times I get so caught up in being a dad that I sometimes am not able to remember what it means to be a husband. My wife is a very special woman, and the realization that I may have taken her love and her support in this situation for granted is kind of disturbing to me. I don’t like that idea that I am responsible for a great deal of the stress that my wife is currently under. I think in all truth I have been hiding with my children because I feel so ashamed for having left my job. It was not something that I wanted to do, and I have not enjoyed being unemployed however it is simply were I am right now this instant.
I know that she will read this posting and I guess all I can really say is I’m sorry and I am going to do better in the future.

A Fellow Father

A Learning expirence...For Me

2010-02-09T06:22:00.001-08:00

Hey Dads,
There are times when I am completely surprised by just how much children can teach you about yourself. I have always been cautious and never taking a leap to anything before I knew as much as I possible could about things. Because of this I think at times in my life I have been fear full to do things simply because they were knew and I didn’t know how it was going to affect me. Well I learned a valuable lesson yesterday when I took my two year old sledding.
It had been snowing all morning and at lunch my wife recommended that I take our son sledding for the first time, I thought that this was going to be a lot of fun and that he was going to enjoy it. When we told him what we were going to be doing, he said he didn’t want to and his little face began to quiver with fear, but I thought he was just nervous because he had never done this before. So I took him out. He enjoyed being pulled around on the sled, but then I took him down one small hill and that was the end of it. There was no way I was going to get him back in that sled for anything. I am very sorry to say that my son was truly terrified by the experience. While I was disappointed that he had not liked it, it also had my eyes opened about two very important things.
This first is just how much like me he really is, he has the same dislike of doing new things that are scary to him. The second and very important thing that I learned was just how powerful childhood fear is. I did not listen to him and because of that he is now very afraid of sledding. I learned of the importance of showing him how to overcome fear by doing so myself, but I also need to listen to him, because he will always tell me what he needs, I just need to have trust in that.

A Fellow Father

Two year olds!

2010-02-08T05:09:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
As a father it is important to keep perspective on what is going on around me, sometimes it is pay special attention to my two year old in order to keep him from hurting himself, at other times it is deliberately ignoring certain behaviors simply because I know that he is exploring the world around him and that if I really were to punish him it would be me who was in the wrong. While this may sound strange to some people, it is a technique called Gentle Discipline, and so far I have found it to be very powerful in discourage unwanted behavior, let me give an example.
Yesterday I was in the kitchen and heard a pouring sound, coming into the dinning room I found my two year old pouring milk out of his small pitcher onto the carpet, I was very surprised and at first I wanted to punish him, and I said his name a little louder then I meant too. Instantly I say his eyes fill with tears and he started saying “No be in timeout!” as though this was the worst thing in the world. I instantly realized that he was simply exploring his world and that while I did not particularly like this behavior, if I punished him I would be inviting him to do this again later. So I simply reassured him that I was not angry with him, cleaned up the milk and we went about the rest of our day.
There was not big fight between parent and child over what he had done, we redirected his energy to pouring water in the sink, and that was the end of it. I know that this method is not for everyone, however I think that when parent and child work together towards what is best for all, then family harmony is simply going to occur.

A Fellow Father

Holding a Sleeping Baby

2010-02-06T06:46:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
Today I would like to talk about angles, not the kind that are found in holy books, not I am talking about children. I was sitting on the couch the other night watching a movie and holding my 2month old son. He had fallen asleep in my arms, and at one point I looked down at him and was stunned by the look of complete peace that was on his face. It was the most beautiful moment that we have shared since he was born. What is truly amazing is when I was holding him, he knew that it was his Daddy who was holding him, and he knew that he was completely safe.
The moment passed quickly, and even now the wonder of it is starting to fade, just as the wonder of similar moments that occurred with my 2year old when he was a new born. The funny thing is, this second time around I have a better idea of which moments are going to stick out in my mind as I watch them grow. Watching my son sleep in my arms is definitely going to be one of them.

A Fellow Father

Baseball with a two year old

2010-01-13T05:56:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
This past weekend the weather was nice enough that I was able to spend some time playing out side with my two year old. Since winter has hit and the cold weather has been keeping us inside a lot, we have not had much chance to play outside. So on Sunday afternoon we went out for about half an hour and played baseball. I know that most parents brag about their children, and I am going to continue the trend. My son had hit the hard plastic wifle ball a good twenty feet, I swear if he keeps it up he is going to have his college years paid for.
What I sometimes feel is the only thing that is missing is that I am not able to play with him as much as I would like. Really there are two reasons for this, the first if obvious, I work all day, and then there are thing that need doing around the house in the evening. Secondly is the weather, while we get a great deal of sunny days, this year has been particularly cold. I know that I am feeling the cabin fever of being stuck inside just as much as he does. Sadly because I am an adult, I have better coping methods then simply running around the house like crazy because I cant go out. It’s funny but I sometimes wonder what would happen if I did follow his example when I’m feeling stuck inside? More on that later I guess.

A Fellow Father

2010-01-12T05:38:00.001-08:00

Hey Dads,
Part of being a dad is also being the provider for your family. At times this is an easy thing to do, you go to work, you make money, and you come home. But what happens when what your heart tells you is important is in conflict with what you do to keep food on the table? Normally people will tell you there are two options, either follow your heart and let your family suffer, which of course we would never do. Or the more likely alternative is to stay were you are, do what must be done and sacrifice your own dreams for the good of your family.
While this may seem like a good idea, I see this as setting up a very dangerous president for our children. They see us giving up our dreams, and assume that when they grow up they must do the same. The idea of noble self-sacrifice is an age old tail, we see it in movies such as “It’s a Wonderful life”, and here about it at church on Sunday. We as men feel it is our job to give of who we are for our families, and in many respects this is true. Our families need us to be the stable rock, on which all their hopes and dreams are founded, the key words there is dreams. We tell our children to dream, and that they can be anything they want to be when they grow up; however we don’t take this advice to heart ourselves. We give up our dreams in order to make theirs happen, teaching our children that only children are allowed to dream, because grown ups don’t have dreams.
I see that when we tell our children to have dreams during their childhood, and then when they are old enough to get a job we tell that they have to pick something that will make them successful ( by the worlds standards, not theirs) we say “This is your job, now be the best you can at it.” We leave them no room to continue to dream. Sadly we ourselves have forgotten what it is like to dream, so we simply continue on in our lives secretly feeling like we are trapped with no escape.
So today I offer a new idea, the idea that there is a third choice, on that could change the way we as men not only teach our sons about being providers, but also gives use the chance to follow our own dreams. I propose that making our careers and our dreams one in the same we will become better providers to our families. By following our dreams and letting our highest thoughts about them guide us, we will not only become the successful providers that we would like to be, we will also be showing our sons that they don’t have to sacrifice the deepest dreams of their hearts, but can use them to create the job that they love. I guess that if we teach our son’s and daughters to follow their dreams and live by them, that our world would change dramatically.

A Fellow Father

Playtime

2010-01-05T05:40:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
It is a never ending joy to see my son at play. The way that he creates games for himself is truly something that is remarkable. If only all of our imagination were like that still what a world this would be. He watched Disney’s Pooh’s Heffalump movie not to long again, and the day after he was telling us about the heffalumps that were in our back yard. He saw the movie once and created a game out of it. What is more amazing is even though it has been several days since he has watched the movie he is still pretending that they exist.
I recently read that children tailor their play so that they learn exactly what they need to at that moment, and that a child’s work is their play. In watching my son I see this to be very true. What some times looks like just simply romping around pulling this off the shelves is really him learning about the world around him. Things falling are teaching him about gravity, while getting into things that he has been told not to is simply a way of defining and verifying the boundaries around him. I’m sure that as I watch him and his little brother begin to interact I will be adding more on the subject of play for now I will simply say that my son is teaching me how to play again, and it is something that I had not even realized I missed.

A Fellow Father

Teaching Right from Wrong

2010-01-04T06:28:00.000-08:00

1/4/10
Hey Dads,
It is an interesting thing sometimes to watch a child learn about the world, there are times that this is easy and through simple play they are able to learn about words and sounds, or simply the difference between hot and cold. When it comes to learning right from wrong this can is not only challenging for the child but equally so for the parent, because we are the ones to be teaching these values.
My two year old is currently learning these differences right now, as well as learning that there are consciences to his actions. This is at time very trying on me because I find that the same punishment does not always work. Finding ways to teach him and still give a fitting punishment has stretch my imagination a great deal. Thankfully my wife is also very creative and came up with a very suitable punishment for biting. Every time he bites something, be it clothing, furniture or a person, he is going to have to scrub a small section of the kitchen floor. It is a productive punishment, and one that he did not like the first time he did it because he was being made to do something. Will it change the bad behavior we are dealing with, only time will tell.

A Fellow Father

The begining of a Fathers Journy

2010-01-01T14:22:00.000-08:00

Hey Dads,
This is the start of a blog for fathers, the pride, joy and hardship that go with the title Dad. I am starting this because I am filled with wonder and hope for the future as I look upon my second son who was just born, and my two-year-old son, and realized that I consider one of my greatest strengths as being a Dad. I love the look of complete trust that is in both of their eyes when they look at me. However it is much more then this, since becoming a father two years ago, I had realized that being a Dad is one of my greatest strengths, one that I am very proud of. My hope with this blog is to share not only my experience as a father, but also to give support and encouragement to all fathers, be they expecting, new, or experienced. This blog is for you.
So on to a little bit more about me, my wife and I have been married for six years, and had our first child in September of 2007. He is very much two right now, in that his favorite word is “No” and that making a mess with just about anything is easy for him. Funny enough while his use of the word “no” is sometimes annoying; I have found that his imagination and ability to learn quickly is something that fills with me wonder on a daily basis.
My youngest was born just after Thanksgiving and is now a month old. Truly there is nothing better then holding the new life that we have brought into this world in my arms. I know just by looking at him that his is going to be different from his big brother, and yet knowing that I am going to be able to watch both of them grow and learn together is something that is very exciting.
So here is to us Dad’s as we embark on the greatest adventure that we know, the challenge of teaching our children and being a dad.

A fellow Father.