Hey Dads,
I know that breastfeeding initially seems like a strange topic for a fathers’ blog, however I think that it is an important one to cover, not only for new dads, but for all of us who are fathers and even grandfathers. As breastfeeding becomes more popular in our culture, information about it, and what we as fathers can do to support our wives is needed. One of the most important things to know is that this is a normal function of a woman’s body and is nothing to be ashamed of. By supporting and encouraging breastfeeding we are not only helping our children grow and thrive, but we are also changing our culture to be more accepting of the natural and normal way children should be fed.
An essential component of a successful breastfeeding relationship is a father’s support. I help my wife in many ways while she is nursing and consequently she has more time to focus on building the nursing relationship and bond with our children. Sometimes this means taking care of making dinner or playing with Ian while she nurses Noah. Sometimes it means bringing her a large glass of water. These small acts of love and support mean a great deal to her. However I think one of the greatest means of support that I have given her is sharing her joy in watching our children grow and become strong. There have been days that she felt overwhelmed by the breastfeeding needs of our children. My support is critical in those moments, enabling her to focus on our child’s needs and to give him the time and nurturing that he needs in that moment, and let everything else go. Sure, it means that the house isn’t as clean as it might have been, or dinner’s a little late but it’s worth it. Watching the bond grow between my children and their mother has been amazing. I know that it is a bond that I can’t be part of and in truth I would not want to be part of it. Nursing is a bond meant for mothers and their children. Watching my children nurse, I see the joy that it brings to them, as well as the joy that it brings to my wife, and I share in that joy. I know that my children are receiving the best possible start in life nutritionally and also that their high emotional need for connection is simultaneously being met. I’ve heard it said that babies should be taught to take a bottle so that Dad can have bonding time with his baby; I strongly disagree. My relationship with my sons is not diminished by their breastfeeding relationship with their mother; it is enhanced by it.
A Fellow Father
Monday, March 15, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Family Bed
Hey Dads,
In my last post I mentioned attachment parenting, I believe that a small amount explanation is required. Attachment parenting is a method by which children are taught boundaries through empathy and understanding, not harsh punishment. While I have heard it said that attachment parenting is easy and a “soft” kind of parenting, nothing could be farther from the truth. There are many aspects that make this style of parenting very different, mainly because of the amount of self control required, and I think if done correctly it can much more rewarding. One aspect of attachment parenting that I enjoy greatly is family bed.
Family bed is exactly what it sounds like, the whole family, parents and children sleeping together in one bed. I have found that sleeping in bed with my children and wife is one of the most precious parts of my day. For example, last night when we went to bed, I sleep on the far right lying down, and wife sleeps on the far left and the two kids sleep in the middle. Ian was sleeping next to me, Noah next to my wife, Ian had his hand reached over and laid very gently on top of his brothers head, Noah had reached up and had grabbed hold of Ian sleeve with his hand. It was something new to see both boys reassuring themselves in their sleep that the other was there.
For me however family bed has become even more important. I am currently working two jobs, and because of this I don’t get to spend the kind of time with my boys that I would like too. Knowing that when I go to bed that I will be able to spend the whole night holding my children is very special. It makes being away from them just a little more bearable. In many ways it is one of the best parts of my day. Really knowing that for a least a few hours, I am going to be near my children makes family bed one of the best parts of my day.
A Fellow Father.
In my last post I mentioned attachment parenting, I believe that a small amount explanation is required. Attachment parenting is a method by which children are taught boundaries through empathy and understanding, not harsh punishment. While I have heard it said that attachment parenting is easy and a “soft” kind of parenting, nothing could be farther from the truth. There are many aspects that make this style of parenting very different, mainly because of the amount of self control required, and I think if done correctly it can much more rewarding. One aspect of attachment parenting that I enjoy greatly is family bed.
Family bed is exactly what it sounds like, the whole family, parents and children sleeping together in one bed. I have found that sleeping in bed with my children and wife is one of the most precious parts of my day. For example, last night when we went to bed, I sleep on the far right lying down, and wife sleeps on the far left and the two kids sleep in the middle. Ian was sleeping next to me, Noah next to my wife, Ian had his hand reached over and laid very gently on top of his brothers head, Noah had reached up and had grabbed hold of Ian sleeve with his hand. It was something new to see both boys reassuring themselves in their sleep that the other was there.
For me however family bed has become even more important. I am currently working two jobs, and because of this I don’t get to spend the kind of time with my boys that I would like too. Knowing that when I go to bed that I will be able to spend the whole night holding my children is very special. It makes being away from them just a little more bearable. In many ways it is one of the best parts of my day. Really knowing that for a least a few hours, I am going to be near my children makes family bed one of the best parts of my day.
A Fellow Father.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The Manly Art of Fatherhood continued
Hey Dads,
I would like to make it clear that when I speak fatherhood being a manly art, I am not talking about male dominance. I firmly believe that raising children is a team effort that requires a father and a mother of which neither is more important then the other. This is part of what makes attachment parenting is all about, learning not only to understand my children, but also my spouse and myself as well. However this is only part of what my understanding about the manly art of fatherhood is all about.
In thinking about what to say on this subject I have found that I have had a hard time defining exactly what it means to be a man in our world today, simply because there are too many definitions. What finally brought some clarity to my thinking was an article written by a woman whose family had created a right of passage for girls in their family; it effectively let girls become women, and recognized them as such in a safe and loving fashion. The article made me realize that over the centuries people have gotten away from celebrating the change from child to adult. Instead the journey from child to adult has become a long process with no definable beginning or end, one day boys are supposed to wake up and be adult men, and don’t have a clue what that means, except the Hollywood version which is not true to life.
As a man and a new father I am learning more about myself and my children every single day. This is why I have been working to learn gentle discipline, in order to understand my children and myself. This will not be the last post on this subject, but I will leave this one final thought. My father-in-law gave me a quote from Ephesians in the Bible that has given me a great deal to think about.
“Wives submit to your husbands, and husbands love your wives the way Christ loved the church.” Then he went on to explain the meanings of this passage, Christ gave his life for the church. We as husbands and fathers are too love our families the same way, willing to give our lives for our families; this is the highest form of love that we can show them. Is this not a true definition of what it means to be a father?
A Fellow Father
I would like to make it clear that when I speak fatherhood being a manly art, I am not talking about male dominance. I firmly believe that raising children is a team effort that requires a father and a mother of which neither is more important then the other. This is part of what makes attachment parenting is all about, learning not only to understand my children, but also my spouse and myself as well. However this is only part of what my understanding about the manly art of fatherhood is all about.
In thinking about what to say on this subject I have found that I have had a hard time defining exactly what it means to be a man in our world today, simply because there are too many definitions. What finally brought some clarity to my thinking was an article written by a woman whose family had created a right of passage for girls in their family; it effectively let girls become women, and recognized them as such in a safe and loving fashion. The article made me realize that over the centuries people have gotten away from celebrating the change from child to adult. Instead the journey from child to adult has become a long process with no definable beginning or end, one day boys are supposed to wake up and be adult men, and don’t have a clue what that means, except the Hollywood version which is not true to life.
As a man and a new father I am learning more about myself and my children every single day. This is why I have been working to learn gentle discipline, in order to understand my children and myself. This will not be the last post on this subject, but I will leave this one final thought. My father-in-law gave me a quote from Ephesians in the Bible that has given me a great deal to think about.
“Wives submit to your husbands, and husbands love your wives the way Christ loved the church.” Then he went on to explain the meanings of this passage, Christ gave his life for the church. We as husbands and fathers are too love our families the same way, willing to give our lives for our families; this is the highest form of love that we can show them. Is this not a true definition of what it means to be a father?
A Fellow Father
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Manly Art of Fatherhood
Hey Dads,
I have been reflecting lately on what it means to be a dad, all too often I am confronted with the image that are portrayed by Hollywood and the television, I find that I am very disturbed by the fact that men and fathers are all too often portrayed as have just abandoned dragging their knuckles on the ground. Barely able to take care of them selves let along a child, with this kind of constant pressure it is no wonder that dads in our country are seen as kind of a joke. The idea that there is a manly art to being a father has been very effectively driven out of our society.
In my own experience, I have found that becoming a father actually helped define me as a man. There have been times, that I would be interacting with other men my own age and younger, and feel more like their junior, simply because I did not have the same life experience’s as they did, and because I was an outsider I didn’t every really feel like a man. Then I became a father, and wow did my outlook on the world change. Suddenly I felt as though I was a man, I had contributed something to the world, not just ideas, but two new members of the human race. Two boys who will grow and perhaps lead this great nation when they become men, what a responsibility, I suddenly realized that teaching them the ways of the world was only part of what it meant to be a father. If these two were really going to grow and learn to be men, I was going to have to be the model of the man I hope they will be.
In this one realization I suddenly understand that being a father is not just about teaching children the skills and knowledge that they will need for a life time, it is having the courage to be a man in today’s world. One of the ways that I have found to do that, and I challenge others to do so as well, is learn and take on the challenge of attachment parenting. It is not easy, but I am continuing daily to find out what it means to be a man, through the raising of my sons.
A Fellow Father
I have been reflecting lately on what it means to be a dad, all too often I am confronted with the image that are portrayed by Hollywood and the television, I find that I am very disturbed by the fact that men and fathers are all too often portrayed as have just abandoned dragging their knuckles on the ground. Barely able to take care of them selves let along a child, with this kind of constant pressure it is no wonder that dads in our country are seen as kind of a joke. The idea that there is a manly art to being a father has been very effectively driven out of our society.
In my own experience, I have found that becoming a father actually helped define me as a man. There have been times, that I would be interacting with other men my own age and younger, and feel more like their junior, simply because I did not have the same life experience’s as they did, and because I was an outsider I didn’t every really feel like a man. Then I became a father, and wow did my outlook on the world change. Suddenly I felt as though I was a man, I had contributed something to the world, not just ideas, but two new members of the human race. Two boys who will grow and perhaps lead this great nation when they become men, what a responsibility, I suddenly realized that teaching them the ways of the world was only part of what it meant to be a father. If these two were really going to grow and learn to be men, I was going to have to be the model of the man I hope they will be.
In this one realization I suddenly understand that being a father is not just about teaching children the skills and knowledge that they will need for a life time, it is having the courage to be a man in today’s world. One of the ways that I have found to do that, and I challenge others to do so as well, is learn and take on the challenge of attachment parenting. It is not easy, but I am continuing daily to find out what it means to be a man, through the raising of my sons.
A Fellow Father
Friday, March 5, 2010
A Father's Education
3/5/10
Hey Dads,
In many ways being a father is just one big learning experience. We never stop learning, about our kids, about ourselves, about how to be a better father. What I have found most challenging as a father so far is letting go of all the worries and day-to-day stuff and just sitting down and having fun with Ian. I truly do enjoy playing with him, his imagination is amazing, and sometimes I think even better then mine was when I was a child. He also loves to play his “guitar”, it’s an ukulele, while I play my guitar. It usually turns into us playing each others, but it is a lot of fun. Again though this is something that I should be doing every single day and I don’t, because there are so many other things in my life that require my attention.
At least that is what I tell myself, in order to justify not spending time with him. However over the last month I have been in the unique position of being around a little bit more and seeing just how much I was missing with my constant worry, and in all truth, mentally hiding from him. He is an amazing boy, who has a personality that I never fully realized or acknowledged. He is smart and knows when I am frustrated, or just not having a good day, and he will seek me out and ask me if I am feeling a certain way. This new understanding of my child, as well as what I was keeping myself from seeing in him, has been a huge learning experience, one that has changed my view on the role of provider. I am a father, and in my mind there is not greater gift or treasure. I know that I am going to spend the rest of my life learning how to be a father, but I have learned it is the one aspect of my life that I am going to do to the best of my ability.
A Fellow Father
Hey Dads,
In many ways being a father is just one big learning experience. We never stop learning, about our kids, about ourselves, about how to be a better father. What I have found most challenging as a father so far is letting go of all the worries and day-to-day stuff and just sitting down and having fun with Ian. I truly do enjoy playing with him, his imagination is amazing, and sometimes I think even better then mine was when I was a child. He also loves to play his “guitar”, it’s an ukulele, while I play my guitar. It usually turns into us playing each others, but it is a lot of fun. Again though this is something that I should be doing every single day and I don’t, because there are so many other things in my life that require my attention.
At least that is what I tell myself, in order to justify not spending time with him. However over the last month I have been in the unique position of being around a little bit more and seeing just how much I was missing with my constant worry, and in all truth, mentally hiding from him. He is an amazing boy, who has a personality that I never fully realized or acknowledged. He is smart and knows when I am frustrated, or just not having a good day, and he will seek me out and ask me if I am feeling a certain way. This new understanding of my child, as well as what I was keeping myself from seeing in him, has been a huge learning experience, one that has changed my view on the role of provider. I am a father, and in my mind there is not greater gift or treasure. I know that I am going to spend the rest of my life learning how to be a father, but I have learned it is the one aspect of my life that I am going to do to the best of my ability.
A Fellow Father
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